My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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