I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My cat gives me a boner
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize