We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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