i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
