They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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