flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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