I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
