I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
