Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
