I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
