so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
