found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
