she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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