At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
