First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
