im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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