It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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