Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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