i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
