I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
