i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
