we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Randomize
