she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize