Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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