This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
