She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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