the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
