i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
