dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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