Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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