Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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