Sry I called you an 8
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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