bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
