I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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