He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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