my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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