I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
