I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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