True but thats because hes a fetus.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
