he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
