I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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