Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
