therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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