Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize