i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
