My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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