I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
