I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
