problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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