I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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