so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
