You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
