how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
