I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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