Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
