Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
