My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
