these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
