I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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