yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
