Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
