As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He better not be in your backpack
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
