Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
