I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
