My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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